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Having a roommate can be one of the best experiences in college, especially if you get along and genuinely become friends as the semesters progress. Of course, it can also be one of the most difficult aspects of college if you don’t get along, or as is often the case, have different ideas about the meaning of the word “clean.” If your roommate is the sort who would rather sit on the couch than do dishes or tidy up, you may be facing an uphill battle when it comes to creating a liveable space in your dorm or apartment.

If you don’t want to live amongst a sea of moldy plates and mountains of dirty laundry, not to mention the pests and odors that come along with them, the first and most important thing you can do is talk to your roommate. He or she may not have even realized how much their messy ways bother you and may be willing to do more to keep things under control. The sooner you speak up, the better, as it will get harder to make changes as the semester goes along.

Of course, if you’re living with a seriously messy person, changes aren’t likely to happen overnight. That’s why you’ve got to spend some time laying down rules and expectations about who will clean what and when. You might feel like you’re turning into your parents, but laying out a chore chart can help ensure that things stay relatively clean around your place and that the weight of cleaning things up doesn’t always fall on you. If something isn’t done, you’ll know who was supposed to be doing it and can help motivate your roommate to get things done. Cleaning the mess up yourself may be a short term solution, but it will only breed resentment towards your roommate in you and additional laziness in your roomie, so try to figure out ways that you can motivate your roommate to do their share rather than picking up the slack yourself.

It’s also to important to remember not to be too confrontational with your roomie if you want to keep things civil. After all, you do have to live together and you want to stay on speaking terms. Sit down and talk about the situation calmly, as yelling or making accusations likely isn’t going to make either of you happy or motivate your roommate to embrace a new, cleaner attitude about your space. Tell the roommate how the dirty space makes you feel and offer solutions, not just blame when it comes to keeping your space liveable.

Finally, if you just can’t seem to get your roommate to keep things clean, remember that at most you’re stuck living together for one school year. If you simply can’t stand it, find a different roommate or live by yourself next year. Most messy roommate situations can be worked out with calm discussions and firm rules about cleaning, so always try the diplomatic route before declaring war on your roommate’s messy ways.